Vignette 1: Nieces

GT: Good, and do your niece, nieces live by you… the nieces that are there for you, and supportive?

DMP: Yes, they, they're near me, and I can go there whenever I need to, or we interact on Facebook and whatever.

GT: Yeah.

DMP: But they support me, yeah.

GT: Great, great. 

DMP: When I, when I called them and I told them, I said, “well, yeah, how, how am I, how, how am I in your phone in your phone book?” And, you know, and they said, “you know, Uncle ‘My Name’.” And then I said, “well, could you, could you change that to Aunt?” And I told them, and they said they “no problem,” and they're very supportive about that. And I felt pretty good about that.

Vignette 2: Being True to Myself

DMP: But at the, in the beginning, when I first, when I— my wife was my girlfriend in 7th and 8th grade and then the school split because we built another school. But anyways, 35 years later she found me again on Myspace, and I had my female name, and all pink and glittery and stuff, and then, she knew who I was when she, when she, when we were reintroduced, and her kids. They didn't have a dad. So I was out at home, but I wasn't out socially.

GT: Okay.

DMP: So, or in my workplace, or anything, I wasn't, I wasn't out. So when I assume that they needed… they didn't have a dad. So I felt that they needed a positive role model. So I put my girl in a box, and I played Dad for 15 years.

GT: Okay.

DMP: And then, when they were old enough to move out of the house, and then I felt that I’d go back to who I was, because I kept telling my wife the whole time, “you know, it's not me.” And it got to a point where in 2019, where I tried to unalive myself because I couldn't, I couldn't fake it anymore. I couldn't pretend being a role that I wasn't. And when I got out of the hospital, I told her that, you know, I had to be true to myself, which I was. 

I've never been true to myself. I always put other people first and took care of girlfriends or kids, or whoever in my life.  And it got to a point where I couldn't do that anymore. I had to take care of myself and put me first. So I did that and after six months of therapy, we decided to live my authentic life, and I wouldn't change it for everything. At first, my daughter, my oldest, my stepdaughter, she was… she's my biggest supporter.

GT: Oh, nice!

DMP: My wife, she was, she was supporting me, you know. But she just thought it would… I wouldn't go as far as I have and, so I got to. 

Vignette 3: Ex-Wife & Friend

DMP: Funny thing is, when I talked to my endocrinologist and he said, “you know, when you, when you, when you take estrogen, it could, it could change your sexual identity.” And I'm all like, “Hmm! I've always liked women, so I'm pretty sure that I've, I'm married… I'm married to my wife. I love her so much, and I think I'll probably stay where I'm at.” And about year and a half into my transition. I started looking at men a little differently.

DMP: And so I told my wife that I wanted to have an open relationship and kind of see what that was like, and she was..she was okay with it.

GT: Hmm.

DMP: So I started to do it to interact with other people. And I didn't tell her that I was interacting with other people. We just had the conversation. And she went through my phone when I was sleeping, and she found all these conversations and stuff like that, and she felt that I was cheating on her, and I'm like, we talked about this. It wasn't cheating, I wasn't. And oh, but after a while she was just depressed because she wanted my dead self back and I was depressed because she was depressed, and it was just a house full of toxic depression. And yeah. I tried to unlock myself again. And that was December or January 31st of last year.So a year and a half ago. And then when I got out of the hospital, I came home. I said, I can't be here anymore. And I moved out of the house. And 6 months out, after I got out of the house, my depression went from appear to in full remission. So I lost. I lost. I lost the marriage, and we're still friends. She does my nails every 2 weeks. She's a nail technician, so she does my nails, and you know she, she wants me to be happy. But she realizes that we both have to be on our paths that we're on. And it's okay. And then my daughter, she thinks that I betrayed her because I told her that I'd always be your dad. And because I don't look like a dad, and I don't play like a dad. She thinks I lied to her when in fact, it wasn't my identity that raised her as my love and my soul was always identified as female.

Vignette 4: Friends Are My Family

DMP: Yeah, I, even though I lost, I lost my house. I lost my wife. I lost relationships with my kids and my family. I lost my business. But I wouldn't change where I'm at for anything in the world. I live, I live in Caldwell, and I live in. I rent a room from a nice woman. She's 50, almost 60 years old, I think. And she supports me. She doesn't see me other than who I am.

GT: Wonderful.

DMP: So, and my friends are my community, that… my trans community friends or rainbow, my rainbow friends. I've got all those people on Facebook. I've had Facebook for 2 years now, maybe almost 2 and a half years. And before that I didn't have Facebook and without Facebook, I wouldn't have the friends or support that I do have.

GT: Okay, so much of your rainbow family is you connect with them via Facebook.

DMP: Or, yeah, social media? Yeah.

GT: Social media. Okay, what about in Caldwell? Are there.. do you have family and rainbow family and friends there? 

DMP: I do? There's a Facebook group called the Rainbow Circle and there's quite a few members, and we have meetings every Monday night on Zoom and we support each other, and we're there for each other. So in those… some of those people are from the local area, and we've met outside of the Rainbow Circle. We've met. We've gone to Pride.

Vignette 5: Kids

GT: Yeah. And you had mentioned earlier. Just… I just wanna make sure I'm clear you have one daughter who is supportive.

DMP: Not any. Well, she hasn't tried to talk to me in over a year now.

GT: Okay. She was initially.

DMP: Yeah, but she hasn't, she hasn't contacted…she hasn't contacted me once. My wife told her that I was cheating on her when I wasn't cheating. She’s mad at me.

GT: Yeah, hopefully, they should come around. But…

DMP: Hasn't yet, and then I have a stepson, too. But when I got there, we, him and I, we… he clung to me. And we were buds, and then he got to be about 16 years old, and so he knew more than I did and was very oppositional, and then we kind of went through a separation part where he was mad at me and didn't wanna… in hindsight, I was, you know, because I was still living that male role,I wasn't happy either. Especially with myself.

GT: Sure.

DMP: So it was just kind of tumultuous at best.

Vignette 6: Moving From Idaho

GT: You mentioned also your business– that you lost your business. Can you tell me more about your business?

DMP: In 2017. My wife and I, she, well, she bought it for me. Out of some of her retirement. A stone engraving business.

GT: Oh, okay.

DMP: So I was doing stone engraving for residences and personal people, or you know, other homes or their pets, or whatever. Clear up until I transitioned or had 38 5-star reviews on my website.

GT: Wow!

DMP: And then, as soon as I identified as LGBTQ and Trans-Woman owned… 0 phone calls.

GT: Oh, wow, I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah.

DMP: Or, they, people would come up. They come out and they call me and [I] say, “Yeah, come on out, you know. Pick a rock, and we'll talk about your design, whatever you want.” And they come out and they'd see me as myself. And then, “Okay, well, we'll… sure, we'll call you back,” and they never call back.

GT: Hmm.

DMP: Yeah, and after a while it just became oh, not worth it… the cost more to keep the doors open then. And I ran a business out of my home, so I didn't have any, hardly any overhead. But it still, it was…I didn't do anything all day. No phone calls, no, nothing. It was a shame because the red state of Idaho, they don't support trans people.

GT: Right.

DMP: Very, very unsafe here. They've made it so they'd only recognize male and female. And I don't, I'm not a male, and by any stretch of the imagination. But because I don't have reproductive organs, then I'm not a female in our eyes, even though it says so on my driver's license. And when they, when I go back to renew my driver's license I'm afraid that they're gonna make me have an M. on it, and that terrifies me.

GT: Sure, absolutely.

GT: Do you see yourself staying in Caldwell? 

DMP: Actually. No, I don't. I'd like to get out of here as soon as possible. But I do have some surgeries coming up. I've already had breast augmentation, and next month, hopefully by, on the 12th, is what I'm scheduled. But it could be sooner than. Originally supposed to be the day after tomorrow. My, my! I'm having facial surgery done, and now I have my larynx shaped or my thyroid shape actually is one, and then probably bottom after that. 

GT: Okay. So after the surgeries, you're thinking about relocating.

DMP: Yeah, I've already put in it to the Gender Justice League.

GT: Oh, yeah.

DMP: Yeah, but I've contacted them. Their helping me look for a place in Washington. I put on my Facebook, you know. “Everybody knows a place in Washington where I could stay?” You know. And I haven't income. I haven't got anyone telling me. 

GT: Where in Washington are you looking? 

DMP: I don't care really from what I understand, Seattle's really expensive, but… so I may be outside Seattle. I don't know. Maybe I don't know. I don't. I don't care. As long as there is supportive community.

Vignette 7: Medical Providers

GT: If you don't mind sharing? How did you connect with your medical providers?

DMP: I, my therapist! She's amazing. I've had her since I since I went into her as a angry adult male and… 

GT: How many years have you been with her?

DMP: I've been with her almost 4 years.

GT: Okay, wonderful. Yeah.

DMP: Yeah, and then, yeah, she's… first she worked for one agency, and then she moved to Saint Luke's hospital. So she works for Saint Luke's Behavioral Therapy and through her I was…all my doctors are in St. Luke's Hospital.

GT: Okay.

DMP: Yeah, except for my endocrinologist, he works for a full circle, health and he but he's amazing, too.

GT: Wonderful. And so it sounds like overall. Your experiences with medical providers have been… 

DMP: Positive. Yes, yes, Saint Luke's. St. Luke's Hospital is so welcoming of the trans community, and they've always made me feel welcome. They've always… even my, even my PCP. She knew me before, and I told her ”you know I want to transition,” and she's been nothing but supportive ever since.

GT: That's wonderful. That's absolutely wonderful.

GT: Yeah.

DMP: I'll be sad when I have to find new providers, but I think I'll be okay.

GT: Yeah. Yeah. And if you're in a different geographic space, with more support and resources, and especially resources to help find new doctors, that will help for sure. 

Vignette 8: I Am Woman

GT: Yeah. You also mentioned that you've known your true authentic self since you were 5.

DMP: Yes.

GT: Can you tell me a little bit about that realization.

DMP: I heard a song on the radio: “I am Woman,” by Helen Reddy.

GT: Oh, wonderful!

DMP: And I that song just just resonated to my chord. And I went and told my mom. I got up all the little courage I could, and I went and told my mom, “Mom I'm a woman, too. I'm a girl, too.” And she said, “No, you're not. You'll always be a boy. You'll never be a girl.” I was crushed, I was. 

Vignette 9: Two Different Smiles

GT: When you think about relocating. Do you have a preference on if it's a rural or a urban area or suburban area? Or does it….? 

DMP: I don't really. I've lived in both. When I was 20 I decided I wanted to move to Denver and go to automotive school. So I packed up a suitcase and got on a train, went  to Denver all by myself, didn't know soul and 50 bucks in my pocket. And I've lived there for 10 years.

GT: Yeah.

DMP: I've been married 4 times.

GT: Okay.

DMP: None of my marriages ever worked out. And the reason why is because I was, I've never been myself. That was always playing a role I had to be in to get me through whatever situation I was in. And I was never happy, never, ever happy. This is… I tried to pretend I was happy. I mean, I have pictures with me and my wife where, you know, I'm smiling. But there's a picture of my transition picture, where I can see 6 months before I transitioned. And there's a couple of these in there where I'm smiling. But the smile there, and the smile that I have now, is two different smiles. The look in my eyes is so different, and people just look at my transformation pictures. And they are like… that's you.Yeah, estrogen saved my life.

GT: Yeah, and it…and I'm picking up from talking to you. It also gives you a lot of joy.

DMP: Yes, I'm so happy, and I get to. We have to live authentically. Living authentically allows me for the the ability to... I don't have to lie anymore. I don't have to lie about nothing. Because I'm not hiding nothing.

GT: Yeah.

DMP: The biggest thing I was hiding was who I am, and I don't have to hide that anymore. So everything else is perfect. If you don't accept me for who I am, then that's on you.

Vignette 10: Looking Ahead

GT: When you look at the next couple of years, what are you excited about, knowing that there's a lot going on in the world? 

DMP: Every aspect. Future friends, you know. Relationships. my environment, my social network. My, you know everything. Right now. I'm working with rehab to… actually, my training starts October 3rd. I'm training to be a peer support specialist.

GT: A peer support specialist. Oh, wonderful. Through an agency.

DMP: With Evoke Rehab.

GT: Oh, okay.

DMP: Yeah, cause I'm on disability. So they help, oh,  . And I really wanna give back to my community and help the trans youth, because I don't want anybody to go through what I went through as a kid.

GT: Yeah, yeah, that's so… 

DMP: I feel that if I had the resources that are available now to kids, to young youth, youth trans. I would have transitioned 40 years ago.

GT: Yeah. 

DMP: So I don't. I mean, I lost jobs. I've been to prison. I've lost relationships. All kinds of terrible things that I don't want anybody to go through, and if I can help stop that I would. That's what I want to do. I'm sorry.

Vignette 11: Learning About Trans

GT: Do you recall… you just indicated that, you know, you didn't have the resources and support there, when you were a kid? Do you recall when you 1st saw, came into contact, either through the media or in life, other trans people? 

DMP: Yeah. Yahoo chat rooms. Yeah. Growing up. I thought I was, I had these feelings, these female feelings. I thought I was the only one on the planet who had these feelings that I have, and nobody talked to you. I didn't have any…. it wasn't known, you know. Transgender wasn't even a word. I was confused. And then in some adult magazines I've started to read about, you know. Other cross dressers and stuff like that I thought it was a cross dresser for the longest time, and then I hid that from whoever I could, as long as I could. And then yahoo chat rooms. Got into a couple of chats and then changed gender. What's that? That's what I am.

GT: Hmm.

DMP: That was early. 2000s

GT: Okay, I was just gonna ask when that was early, 2000s. So probably like AOL and dial-up. I remember those. Well, yeah… and so were those chat rooms, other trans folks, or… Okay.

DMP: Yeah, I was… I only remember so long ago in Idaho. And there's a few people. A couple, a couple of people I've met in person. I have some pictures of me when I went to a place called Charlie's… Charlie's bar in Pocatell, Idaho, and I met a couple of people there.I lost contact with them. But yeah. And I found out what transgender is, and you could take estrogen, and I was like, Oh, my gosh! Like, I wish, I so wish I could do that. I didn't want to… I didn't wanna come out because I had, you know I had my own children through my marriages and I was afraid that….what would you know? What would they think? You know… I don't want to expose them to that, or, you know, anything like that. So I didn't do anything. Hindsight, because they all hate me anyways. I should have done it anyways.

GT: Yeah, yeah.

GT: When did you meet friends at Charlie's? Was that in the 2000s, as well? 

DMP: Yeah.

GT: Okay.

DMP: And then I went to… I met, there was a trans woman who lived in Chalice, Idaho, and she was doing makeovers. So the group of us from our Yahoo chat room, our Yahoo group? Actually one lady she paid for my my transition. Or not transition, but my makeover. It was a couple $100s to stay at the in the house for the weekend and get the picture taken and do a makeover and just kinda party. So it was a lot of fun.

GT: Yeah, was it just you and the person that did your makeover? Or were there other women there too?

DMP: There's probably about 6 women there. And then the host.

GT: Yeah. And what year was this? Is that the same time period? 

DMP: 2000, 2001, 2002.